Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. You give love a reason to be a lesbian. And a bad name.INT. STARBUCKS - DAY

Kevin is doing the tappity-tappity of writer writingness. At the table to his left is a hot girl and a guy who will be better looking some day, and who is clearly trying to hook up with hot girl, who clearly thinks of him as her gay friend. Both are in their mid-20s. Kevin really is trying to stay focused on the chapter he's writing, keeping his attention on his Macbook. His iPhone is sitting on the table next to him. This will prove distracting.

 

HOT GIRL
I'm just not able to open up my heart anymore. I just don't trust guys.

GUY FRIEND
(trying to hook up with her)
I know that can be hard, but you know that there are people who really care about you, right?

HOT GIRL
(sighing)
I know. But I've just been hurt so often, you know? This guy I went out with on Saturday ... It's like all he wants is sex.

GUY FRIEND
(trying to hook up with her, voice cracking)
You deserve better than that. You shouldn't have to deal with that.

HOT GIRL
(sighing)
I know. I just don't trust guys anymore, you know? 

Kevin's iPhone vibrates to alert him to a text message. He looks to see that it's Max.

MAX
(text)
Hey, what are you doing right now?

KEVIN
(text)
I was writing. Now I'm listening to this guy go down in flames with a hot girl right now.

MAX
(text)
Explain more.

The conversation between hot girl and guy friend continues.

HOT GIRL
I just feel like all guys ever want is to hook up, you know? All they want is sex, and I'm not some hoochie.

GUY FRIEND
(trying to hook up with her)
No you're not, and guys shouldn't treat you like that. You deserve better.

HOT GIRL
(sighing)
I know. I just can't trust guys anymore. I think maybe I should be a lesbian or something.

MAX
(text)
What's happening now?

KEVIN
(text)
She just dropped the L-bomb on him.

MAX
(text)
Love?

KEVIN
(text)
The OTHER L-bomb.

MAX
(text)
Leprosy?

GUY FRIEND
(trying to hook up with her, voice cracking slightly)
You don't really mean that.

HOT GIRL
(sighing)
I know.

MAX
(text)
Tell her she shouldn't be out in public with that.

KEVIN
(text)
Lesbian. She said lesbian.

MAX
(text)
Oh. OK. Tell her she shouldn't be a lesbian because "bitches be crazy."

GUY FRIEND
(trying to hook up with her, hesitant)
You need to find someone who is your friend first. Somebody who probably wouldn't even mind if you decided to try being a lesbian for a while!
(laughs, voice cracks)

HOT GIRL
(laughing)
That's true! Oh, you're so funny. I wish I could find a guy like you someday. Your such a good friend.

Kevin frantically types a text transcript of the last few minutes.

MAX
(text)
Damn! Shoot that guy in the face! It'd be a mercy killing.