I think these may be the three most powerful words you can use:

“That’s on me.”

I have an obsession with personal empowerment. I believe, wholeheartedly, that regardless of your age, race, gender, sexual preference, education—regardless of any aspect of your life that you might perceive as limiting you in some way—you can be empowered beyond it. But I also equally believe that it’s entirely up to you to choose empowerment.

In Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl talks about his experiences in a Nazi concentration camp. He talks of his tremendous, heart-wrenching loss—his family, his friends, his career, his life’s work. But one theme that arose out of that experience was that, ultimately, the circumstances and tragedies and horrors of his life did not define who he was. Ultimately, it was his own choices, his own perception of himself and the events of his life, that defined him.

He defined himself, by choosing how to frame his self perception.

That’s a profound way to think of life. It shifts you from being a victim of your circumstances to being an untouchable, ungovernable power in and of yourself. Your freedom and liberty can be taken from you, as can your health and even your life. But what no one can touch is who you are. You can choose. And if you choose, you are undefeatble. Not even death can take you away from you.

And what this comes down to, for me at least, is the idea that ultimately, the more responsibility we take for what happens in our lives and in the world around us, the more empowered we become. We have more agency when we are the one responsible for it all.

I make a lot of mistakes. I screw up often. Part of that comes from a willingness to experiment, to try things, to put myself out there. When you do that consistently, you’re going to occasionally bomb. It’s inevitable.

And sometimes the screwups come from someone else. Someone who works for you, or someone you’re partnered with, or someone you have no authority over at all—sometimes what other people do puts things wrong, despite even your best plans.

In either case, one simple three-word phrase restores your power in the situation: That’s on me.

By owning responsibility for it, rather than blaming someone else or passing the buck, you’re saying to the world that you have some authority over it. And because it’s something that got screwed up, people are typically going to be willing to let you have that authority. “It’s your mess, then. You fix it.”

And yes, this means you’re now the one who pays the penalty for whatever went wrong. But that’s ok. It’s rare that problems have no solution. And most solutions take less effort and energy than we fear. If you’re the one willing to roll up your sleeves and deal with something that no one else is willing to deal with, you are also the only one who gets the credit, and gets the victory.

And if you are then willing to share that credit and victory with others anyway, you’ll also pile up the good will and favors and gratitude from others.

Owning it lets you win. Choosing to be the one responsible gives you power.