Don’t get me started...
Something I’ve discovered about myself (as recently as five minutes ago), is that once I start complaining about someone or something, I immediately spin off into a really negative head space, and then it’s negative turtles all the way down.
This is something I both actively dislike and actively want to change about myself.
First, criticizing, complaining, and talking bad about someone is the epitome of wrong. If the subject of your derision isn’t anywhere nearby, with the ability to defend themselves, then the conversation can’t possibly serve a good purpose. And if they do happen to be close at hand, shame on you (ok, me) for treating people so poorly.
Second, it’s tough enough to stay in a positive frame of mind, and put all my energy into building rather than tearing down, without adding the extra weight of grousing and complaining and criticizing. It’s a bad habit. No good comes of it.
That’s why it’s best not to start in the first place.
It’s by sheer coincidence that I started writing this post just after going negative on someone in my life. But there’s a key here I try to remember, and one that I know works for me, so it might work for you, too.
Putting my thoughts on the page gives me a chance to take a closer look at them.
I’ve had this advice pop up from various gurus and guides and mentors I follow. Writing things down—in a journal, in a blog post (one you probably shouldn’t post), in a letter (one you probably shouldn’t send)—is a good way to work through what’s really bothering you. If you take the time to put your thoughts on the page, it gives you a chance to see where you’re head is really at, and to get a feel for the shape of it. And it’s a good way to change that shape, if you need to. And let’s face it, you probably do.
Writing is creating. And creating is, by its nature, a positive act. Or at least, it’s an additive act. And as such, it’s a good way to examine and start to eliminate negative thinking.
I’ve been a big fan of journaling, for a very long time. I haven’t always done it as consistently as I like (as I mentioned in a previous post). But I’ve done it enough over the years that I know the value of it. So journaling has become one of my go-to tools for dealing with myself.
I also put this stuff into my fiction.
There have, at times, been scenes in my fiction that were more or less me working through angst or anger or frustration with something. I once wrote a scene between a husband and wife that was a rehash of an argument I had with Kara, and the way I wished it had gone.
I’ve written scenes that featured prominent political figures I’ve wished I could throttle. And scenes where a truly annoying neighbor met their demise at the hands of a demented bad guy.
One must always be careful of thriller authors—we are murderers on the page.
That’s all harmless therapy, in the end. And often I’ll feel guilty about lashing out on the literary visage of my so-called enemies, and I’ll soften the blows. I’ve made those political figures more admirable, I’ve made the deaths of insensitive neighbors less graphic, and I’ve made arguments with virtual spouses come to understandings and heartfelt resolutions.
I really don’t have the heart for vengeance, even if it is just fiction.
Writing, of course, isn’t the only way to deal with negativity and angst and anger. Painters have been known to take out their fury on the canvas. Sculptors chisel their vitriol from slabs of marble. Singers strain their vocal cords to let their hurt hearts resound in the souls of their listeners. All artists have their way.
And those who are not artists can use the same methods. Negativity fades in the light of creative effort.
When it comes upon you, when it robs your thoughts of light and weighs your heart into the pit of your stomach, decide that the way to deal with it is to create something. Write in a journal, pick up a pencil and sketch, take a hammer to a box of nails and a row of fence planks. Go make something.
There is no harm in creating from anger. The harm is letting anger drive you to destruction.
Ahh. I feel better!
YOU ARE READING SIDE NOTES
Side Notes is an extension of my Notes at the End, which are author’s notes that appear at the end of every one of my novels. If you like these posts, you’ll love the books.
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