I kind of cringe just looking at this. It took three tries to write it. Or right it? Now I'm questioning all reality.
Good writing is good editing. I know that has to be a quote from someone, but Google hasn't helped me narrow it down much. So I hereby claim it in the name of all things Kevin, and proclaim it to be true and worthy. Get an editor.
You can actually be your own editor, but I'm going to advise you to find someone else. You're too close. You can't read what you write with any sort of partiality. So go find someone to look this stuff over on your behalf.
Side benefit: Paying attention to good editors makes you a better writer. How do you like 'dem apples? Mmm ... apples.
Get an editor.