Response vs Reaction

A few months ago I was riding my mountain bike on the street when I decided it would be safer to take it off road a bit and ride on a well-groomed fairway. The grass was mown, landscaping was clean and groomed, limbs had been picked up beneath the trees, and there was plenty of space—maybe around 40 feet of gap between the street and the brick wall running behind a row of houses. Much safer than being on the very busy road, with cars whizzing by.

I was moving at a decent clip when suddenly I was thrown from the bike, right over the handlebars.

I hit hard. I was winded, and I could feel sharp pains in my chest, my side, and my shoulder. I had some scrapes on my hands and arms from automatically bracing for the fall. And as I crawled back to the bike and managed to stand, I limped along my path to see what the heck had just happened.

A few feet back I found a hole, about twice the size of a basketball. It had tall grass growing in it, and this had been mown level with the rest of the grass nearby. From every angle, the thing was functionally invisible.

I ended up with some cracked ribs that made my life a little spicy for a few weeks. But before I knew that, before I limped home and Kara drove me to the ER, I stumbled over to the shade of a tree, wheezed through the pain, and finally prayed. And I decided that I would not only pray to be ok, I would pray my gratitude for what had just happened. Nuts, right?

But here’s the thing: I’d been reading and studying a lot of material about the idea that everything happens to us for a reason. Scripture would say “I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you.” Other spiritual philosophies express a similar idea, that the things that happen to us aren’t necessarily good or bad in and of themselves, it’s only our take on them that gives them those values. So anything could ultimately be for your good, even if it hurts at the time. There’s a lesson you’re meant to learn, or some growth that this will assist with, so be grateful even in suffering.

So I thanked God for whatever it was I was supposed to take from the experience. And it turned out that a number of good things have come to me as a result. Mostly in the form of insights. But also in showing me that I’m capable of remaining cool under that kind of pressure, if I allow myself to choose my response rather than default to a reaction.

Another example happened yesterday.

I took the motorcycle out for the first ride in the past two months. It was a bit chilly, but I bundled up. And really, by the time I’d made my second stop at a Barnes & Noble, things had warmed up to a very comfortable level. I stowed the winter gear and went inside for a latte and some relaxing.

When I came back out, I saw that my headlights were on. I had inadvertently left the key in the thing, and so for the past hour or two it had sat there with the lights on and the battery slowly draining.

When I hit the starter, it chuckled and informed me that no, I wouldn’t be going anywhere.

In times past I would have panicked at this point. I would have gotten stressed, cursed a lot, and really just expended a lot of energy in the most useless way possible. But instead, I remembered an affirmation that I literally write every day: Everything I need is right in front of me, and everything is always working out for me.

It’s part of a set of affirmations I write daily to remind myself that God has my back, and that whatever I need is already there. Out of the abundance of God’s wealth a solution, a resource, an opportunity will present itself. And if I’m calm and cool headed, I’ll spot it easier and faster.

Fall it faith. Trust in the divine. But it’s also common sense, right? A cool head makes you more open to finding a solution and capable of implementing it to solve your problem. Anger, fear, panic—these have never solved a problem. They’ve only ever made it worse.

I’m also a big believer in synchronicity—the idea that the little string of coincidences that happen in our daily lives are a communication from on high. I have this theory that synchronicity is the language of God. So when you notice that several people in a row are wearing an orange puffer vest, and then someone spontaneously brings up Back to the Future, and the conversation then turns to something relevant to your life, it’s time to pay closer attention.

That morning I had been tinkering with the a mobile phone mount for the bike, which has a built-in phone charger. I had installed this to the battery on the bike, and in the process I’d discovered that there’s a little secret compartment where a tool is hidden. It’s meant for opening the clip that holds in the battery in place, and for adjusting the battery terminals so you can do things like wire something in. I had no idea it was there, but it was fun to discover it. I didn’t need it, of course, because I have a whole set of fancy tools in my garage. So I tucked it back into its hidden spot.

Turns out, I don’t have my fancy tools with me when the bike breaks down. But thanks to the coincidence of finding that tool earlier, I had a way to open things up.

That didn’t quite help me get out of my predicament, because I had no way to jump charge the battery. But that was fine, too. I repeated, “Everything I need is right in front of me, and everything is working out for me.”

A couple pulled into the spot across from me and was entering the Barnes & Noble. As they got out, the guy sneezed a few times, and I blessed him. Then the guy said, “I really like your bike!”

“Thanks!” I replied, smiling. “I really wish it would start!”

He laughed and said that if he had known anything about motorcycles he’d be happy to help, but he was clueless. I told him that was fine, and I appreciated it anyway. They went inside, and I continued to tinker and ponder.

I moved the bike to a shaded spot, since the sun was now getting a little intense. And I started considering my options. I could call Kara and have her bring the van, but we didn’t have any jumper cables inside (I know… I’m going to fix that). Still, I could drive somewhere and buy some, and drive back to jump the bike. It could work. It would mean I wouldn’t be home for another four hours or so, but it would work.

It was then that the couple came back out with a stack of books (none of them mine… bummer), and on a whim I asked, “Do you happen to have any jumper cables?”

They did. And because I already had the battery case open and the terminals exposed, it took all of three minutes to reposition the bike and do the jump. And huzzah! The bike started right up.

I thanked them profusely, blessed them let them get on their way, and then I tinkered the battery case back together. Soon I was on my own way home, where I had more resources to help me get things fixed.

In all of that, I willfully and purposefully stayed calm and even grateful. I was thankful for the message of the thing. I wasn’t sure what the lesson was at first, but now I know. It was this. It was so I could produce this bit of content around it. And that helps to enrich me and, hopefully, you. Ripples.

When things go wrong, when it hits the fan, when we’re in pain or we’re afraid, it’s useful to us to fall back on a habit of responding instead of reacting.

We choose our response, and we act. But if we react, where letting the problem choose for us. And what does the problem know?

You form a habit by practice. And the only way to practice for the big catastrophes is to put these things to work during the small ones. When you run out of coffee, when you break a dish, when you stub your toe, when you forgot to send the receipts to your boss—decide to keep calm instead of reacting. Decide not to get mad back at the person being snotty to you at the UPS Store. Decide to let the rude employee have their moment without your participation. Decide and act. That’s a response.

And when you slip and fail, when you react instead of responding, make a decision to make that right. Be grateful for that slip, too. Use it as practice as well.

Soon it just becomes habit. And you end up discovering you’re far more capable than you ever thought you were. Anger and fear were never good for solving a problem, but choosing to stay cool and grateful, to look for resources and decide that whatever is happening to you is happening for you—that will give you far more power in the world.

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